Dig Dug Toot.

Picking your nose; scratching the inside of your ear; digging for something stuck in your teeth; letting one rip; belching out a loud one. We're all guilty of doing it. Sometimes, we're completely unaware that we're doing it. You're just going about your day when you let out a little toot and level the crowd of people walking behind you.

For a long time, I was a fan of picking my nose while I drove my car. This was especially true when I would drive home from work late at night. The next time you're out and about at night, take a second to look at the cars coming your way. Can't see the driver because the headlights are blinding you? Well, that's the perfect situation to pick one out that's been bugging you. But like I said at the beginning of this paragraph, I was a fan. This all ended the night I was driving home and "dug" a little too deep. 

Before I knew it, my finger was covered in blood. It's a pretty big shock when you're doing 45mph down the side streets of your town. I couldn't believe this was happening as I reached into my glove box and searched for napkins to stop the flood of crimson coming out of my nose. Thankfully, I made it home without a drop on my clothes nor the seats of my car. As I'm staring into my reflection, with toilet paper plugging my nose, I vowed to stop doing it. I also promised myself to make an effort to become aware of the things I was doing.

See, up until the nosebleed happened, I wasn't really aware that I was picking my nose. It had become so habitual, that I didn't think twice about it. Then I had a conversation with a friend who claimed to do the same thing. We had just started doing things without realizing that maybe we should keep it to ourselves. He came clean that his big thing was farting in the bar. Who could blame him, though? You drink enough beer and you're bound to let out some gas. For me, it's burping while I'm there. A few times, I had belched out some loud ones and when I realized I was doing it, I would ask people if they heard it and I apologized. Another friend had become so used to my burping that he could pick out when it was me just by the smell. Gross, I know.

But, nothing beats going to the local bar on Thanksgiving night. I heard my bartender friend tell me it was the worst smelling night of the year. Not remembering what he said, I walked into the bar two Thanksgivings ago; he was totally right. It was absolutely rank in that place. It seems that everyone was letting out a fart here and there and thought no one would notice. That might be true when you're there on a normal night, but not when everyone you're surrounded by is doing the same exact thing. Had there been flowers in the place, you'd probably see them cry.

So, what keeps us doing this? Most of us were brought up better than that. I know my mom would hit me if she saw me burping in public. I don't even want to think of what she would do if she ever knew I picked my nose in front of others. But I guess that's what you deal with when you have a son. Are girls a different story? Everyone knows they're the "gentler gender" and they half expect guys to be gross. But do they burp in the middle of a crowd? Are they tearing it up with their farts and blaming guys? I certainly hope not and if you're a girl reading this, please don't shatter that thought for me. We all know girls are crazy, but if you add any of the bad habits discussed in this post, I might never take a girlfriend.

What About Mom?

I'm terrible, I mean God awful, at buying gifts. The only person who I seem to get things right for is my sister. If that's not the case, she's one hell of an actress and deserves a lifetime achievement award for the performances she's put on every Christmas morning. But even when it comes to buying things for myself, I'm the absolute worst. I'm sure some of you out there could give me a run for my money (It's mine! You can't have it.) and you're probably right. At least I can get my sister the right things.

Mom has always been the toughest person to buy things for. It's not because she's a cold hearted woman with the emotions of a boulder. She's the exact opposite of that, but this doesn't help me buy gifts for her. The thing that makes my mom the toughest person to buy a gift for is that she was born on Christmas. Christmas! How am I supposed to find the right gift that says "Happy Birthday, Mom! You weren't upstaged by Jesus in the least bit"? So far, I've resorted to jewelry and spa days. 

It just sometimes feels like I have to make up for the years that I couldn't afford gifts while I was hanging out in the playground. Honestly, the thought that my Mom shared a birthday with Jesus on Christmas never really hit me until I was making a decent living. I guess I just took it for granted that my mom had dealt with it and moved on. But now was my moment to make her birthday and Christmas two separate events. Not to mention, I was completely wrong about her "dealing with it." No one would.

My sister and I, mainly my sister, hammered that fact home two years ago. We had decided to throw Mom the biggest party she'd had in years. The significant part of this event? It was going to be at the end of January as to keep it far away from Christmas and the holiday season. The party went off better than expected and planned! She was completely surprised and had a blast. The night was filled with dancing, drinking, and lots of laughs. Seriously, what more could you ask for in a party?

So, that had settled it. As of that night, I was able to separate my mom's birthday from the holiday season. Too bad it didn't help me with picking out gifts, though.