Hairs On My Chiny Chin Chin.

As most people know, I haven't had a clean shaven face for a long time. I always went around with some sort of facial hair, whether it be a mustache or a beard. But, that all changed one Sunday when I decided to chop off the lip curtains and chin drapes. Needless to say, I didn't feel like myself. Who knew that facial hair could make someone feel 'whole'.

My constant dance with facial hair started a few years back. Before seeing some friends perform, I decided I'd shave and look nice and clean. A great time was had and there were plenty of pictures taken that night. A few days later, I log into Facebook to see that I've been tagged in some new photos. Immediately, I thought these must be the pictures of that awesome night and I can't wait to relive it while flipping through them. Holy crap. Who is that weird looking dude with the tiniest mouth on this planet? Oh that's me? Well, I'm going to throw up now and never shave again. I kid you not, those were my exact thoughts when I saw what I looked like with a terrible haircut and sans facial hair. From that moment on, I vowed to never go bare-faced.

So, why did I go back on my word? Well, the simple answer is that I completely forgot that I look horrible without facial hair. Some may argue that I have no excuse to forget because I'm clean shaven in the family portrait hanging in my house. They'd be totally right, but how many times have you walked past something in your house and have forgotten it existed? If I'm honest, it would only be noticed if someone took the picture down. And that's almost exactly what happened when I finally shaved. Without my masculine mane, I realized I had made a huge mistake.

But did I? After a couple of days, I noticed that the ladies at my job had been paying me more compliments than I ever got with any facial hair. I can't remember a single instance when a girl has told me they liked my beard. The same goes for my mustache. Actually, I think girls have kept from talking to me while I had one. There were plenty of 'dig your stache, bro' from guys, but not a single girl said they liked my mustache. And that's a bit heart breaking because I seriously think I can pull one off. But the proof is in the pudding, I guess.

Now, where does this leave me? Do I keep going clean shaven and accept the attention of the ladies? Or should I let my chin hairs grow to their roots' content? Either way, my facial hair takes forever to grow in. It's been almost three weeks since I've shaved and the amount of stubble I've got going on is equivalent to that of an Italian man's after only an hour of shaving. So, I've got plenty of time to make my decision.

Cock Pit Rock Out

Have you ever just rocked out in your car? I mean full on, radio blasting, singing at the top of your lungs, raising your fist to the imaginary crowd that makes up the speedometer, kind of rocking out? Now, have you ever been caught doing it?

Unless you absolutely hate your life, I can safely assume that we've all done this. Maybe you're not a driver, but you've rocked out in public with your ear buds in. I can say that I've worn and have seen them on the city bus. And after catching someone watching us as we 'literally' melt off some faces, blood rushes to our cheeks, our eyes widen, and our mouths shut at a staggeringly slow pace. We turn away from the stranger's gaze and beat ourselves up in our internal monologue. 

Tonight, I vowed to never do that again. I was driving down the road and had been stopped at a red light for about a minute. Foster the People were on and the volume was louder than normal because I was just doing 50mph right before coming to this stop. That's when I started bobbing my head to the beat, then came the singing along. Before I knew it, I was full out singing the words and beating my fist into the passenger seat to the kick drum.

As my 'rock out' is in full swing, I turn my head to the right to see a guy watching my performance from two lanes away. Instantly the thoughts of "you're an idiot" and "I can't believe that dude saw me" came rushing to my brain. That's when I shut off my brain, slapped on a huge grin, and waived to the mustached onlooker. He wrinkled his eyebrows and held up an unconvincing wave. At that moment, I didn't care what this guy thought of me. Hell, I will most likely NEVER see this man ever again and even if I do, I know for sure I won't recognize him. Let him be completely jealous of my good time and bow before the awesome that is my rock out.

Watch That Baby Grow!

Most of you may know that I've rocked a mustache for the majority of this year. It's the facial hair I think looks best on me, and at the same time repulses me when I look in the mirror. I still really love it, but sometimes wonder what other people think.

As I sit here, writing this entry, I sometimes forget that my mustache isn't the only ironic part of me. It's when I least want to look like a geek that I remember my laptop has a huge stache smacked on the front of it as well. So, there I sit, looking cool and suave, a cute girl walks in, we make eye contact, she sees the dual stache action, she laughs, I sink in my seat and sip my drink.

That actually happens more often than one would think. It's why I shaved and grew out a full beard this past month. I also felt bad that I hadn't worn the mustache t-shirts my family got me for Christmas. The redundancy would have been WAY too much for my confidence to bear. I feel the same way about the people who match their sneakers with their bright purple hulk tee.

Well, the lip curtains are back and better than ever. I've been getting tons of compliments on it, but mostly from guys. I'm sure the ladies will come around soon enough. It's either that or the majesty of my mustache has left them stunned in silence. I'm almost positive that's the reason. But there's one thing I really wish I hadn't done.

Yeah. I decided to chop my hair off too. I'd be lying if I didn't say my life is starting to resemble that of a chia pet head.