Friday, October 14, 2011

Let's Talk Fat

There are just some things certain people shouldn't do. Things that would over amplify their already heightened short comings. Activities that would cause others to laugh at them. Some people should heed the warning of Adam Sandler's title track off his first album; "they're all gonna laugh at you."

Please don't take this post to mean that I don't think we can't challenge some perceptions. Some are very wrong and should be broken, but life is often times a lot easier when you work within its boundaries. I'm going to try to not step on any toes here. I'll actually be talking about something that I live through on a daily basis.

I, myself, am a big guy. So, knowing that I'm big, I stay away from tight jeans and I try my absolute best not to fall down. Falling down is funny no matter who the person is, but fat people tend to make loud noises and vibrate floors when they hit the ground. It can also end up in ripped jeans. So, let's try to kill two birds with one stone

There's also the issue of scent. As a boy, I grew up with a fat kid named Carlos. He was the grossly overweight kid who reeked of pee. He was the very reason why I wanted to fight against the stereotype of the fat smelly kid. I knew that if I were to remain husky, I would have to make an extra effort in my hygiene. I won't lie, I went over board with it while I was younger; showering twice a day and investing in cologne. To this day, I love cologne. I'm still fat, but I don't stink. 

Here's something. Don't let your fat daughter try out for color guard in the Marching band. Everyone knows they are failed cheerleaders and being the fat failed cheerleader will be too much. If your child makes this, you've failed at parenting.

There are undoubtedly many people who are reading this and think that I'm a jerk for it. They're probably the same people who think that we can change the world and have fat people rights. Well, you're completely allowed to think that and I applaud your bravery for thinking this way. But take this from a fat guy; even we think they look stupid, and cringe when they can't quite get their foot above the waist during those high kicks.

Years after graduating High School, I saw some news footage of a family in dismay. Apparently Carlos accidentally burnt his house down. Score another one for me.

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