Gain Some Real World Experience

Lately, I've been exploring the cringing thought of what an interview actually is. Before graduating a few years back, I heard my college professors liken it to going on a date. Well, if that's the case, I completely under dress for my dates, but I can see the similarities.

Arriving at an interview, you try to be early and show that you're conscious of time. Your heart is racing, perhaps because you ran a few blocks to get there on time, and your palms are a little sweaty. Like with all of my dates, I introduce myself with a sturdy handshake and look each person in the eye while thinking "I will own you."

For the first time in my life, I went on an interview where the company presented themselves to me. Every single job I've ever applied for, and interviewed with, was always the opposite. It was about what I could do for the company and how I could better their business. The concept of the company trying to sell itself to me first was a brand new experience. Needless to say, I immediately applied it to my dating life and expect every girl to sell themselves to me. Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Almost everyone can agree that their dates have been about trying to "sell" themselves to the other person. Either they were trying to impress or just be someone they're not. It's something most people have come to recognize and I hope they shed that kind of thinking or they're in for a rude awakening. It's this realization that has helped me out in my daily life and has made me a happier person.

Ok. Life lesson over. Go have some fun, kids.

I'm Just a Big Fatty

Let's take a second and discuss how finding someone attractive works? OK, I really don't want to discuss the science behind it. I just want some answers as to why certain guys, who I think are awesome, are still waiting for the right girl. Then I see dudes with some of the cutest girls I've seen on this earth, well, this island, and wonder what those girls could possibly see in them. 

Now, I know there's a ton of "relationship" advice out there in the world, and God knows that I don't want to add more on to that steaming pile heap, but what gives? I may be speaking personally here, but I'm sure a lot of readers might be feeling the same thing. There's also the possibility that girls might be switching the roles here and asking the very same question.

For a while, I've come to terms that in order to attract the type of girl I want, I need to make myself attractive to them. I don't mean by changing who I am, just that I could stand to lose a few pounds. No, no, please. I can hear your protests already, but I assure you, I could do without the extra weight. Heck, the main reason is my health and the (inevitable) girls would be a bonus.

What it boils down to is that I'd be healthier and would allow me to do things I have wanted to do. This in turn would make me happier. But, what about the other guys that I know who have no need to lose weight? Is there something they feel they could do about themselves also? What about the Ryan Goslings of this world who are normal, everyday guys? Where do they fit into this? Why hasn't my question been answered? Am I being delusional in thinking that girls would automatically come crashing at my feet when I lose weight? Is there even an answer to these stupid questions?

Anyone Seen My Lucille Ball Around?

Whitney Cummings. Holy crap is that girl hot. Am I right? Maybe I'm wrong and maybe you're stupid, but we're not getting into that. 

For a while I've always thought that the funny, cute girl was a thing of legend, and in a way she still is. Just because Whitney Cummings exists and is evidence that a girl can be both cute and funny doesn't really make it a reality to me. I guess I'm going to be a bit of a skeptic until I see one right in front of me.

When I decided to get back into the dating game, I made a decision that I wouldn't settle for anything less than a girl with a great sense of humor and who was very nice to look at. Well, it's been about six years and we're still scoreless. I'm not really asking for much, am I? 

Then I got to thinking that maybe they just don't exist in my age group. Somehow, the funny cute girl gene never made it out of the 70's and I must mourn its loss. But that's not true! Freaking Miss "Hot Damn" Cummings was born a year before me. There's also the girlfriends of the co-hosts of The Nerdist Podcast. Those guys are about my age and have hilarious girlfriends. This means the gene has survived but is laying quite dormant. 

Well, wake up, damn it! The (good) male population could really use you. We're starting to lose hope in women and it ain't looking any better. But, I guess we'll have to wait. Maybe they're waiting at the finish line for the good guys who finish last. Preferably a redhead?